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Submitted on
October 27, 2010
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490
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My dreams
                                           turned
To ash between your
                                           fingers
Used to hold mine
                                           steady
When i was falling
                                           apart
From time spent with
                                            you
Could never catch my
                                            tears
Fell when you  
                                            broke
Everything i knew
                                            ceased
When your heart stopped
                                            beating.    
                         

                    
random but i felt like it
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:icon04belgarion2k7:
04belgarion2k7 Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
I like how the words on the right can fit with both the sentences before and after...really well done :D
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:iconmadwise96:
Madwise96 Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2011
thank you :)
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:iconshadowdemon2010:
Shadowdemon2010 Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2010
so sad :'( but very good.
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:iconmadwise96:
Madwise96 Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2010
Thank you :)
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:iconshadowdemon2010:
Shadowdemon2010 Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2010
your welcome!
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:iconrockedbyreality:
RockedByReality Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2010  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I love the format :D
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:iconmadwise96:
Madwise96 Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2010
Thank you!
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:iconsaachasm:
saachasm Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2010
The format is very interesting, although I found it to be a little unecessary here because the words you use between sentences didn't really link well enough. I think if they linked in a more gramatically correct way, it would work like a dream!
I loved the new take on concrete poetry though, and the language used it excellent :D
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:iconmadwise96:
Madwise96 Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2010
thank you :)
Reply
:iconthepricetopay:
ThePriceToPay Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2010   Writer
I loved this! The format is brilliant, the way each word on the right both starts and ends each sentence? I've never seen this format before, but I love it!
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